Let’s face it, break-ups suck. There’s nothing worse than that overwhelming numbness in your stomach, forcing yourself to watch ‘The Notebook’ for the hundredth time, and of course, your sudden lack of interest in all things nutritional. But it doesn’t have to be this way. I myself have been there, a skinny emo kid crying in the rain, secretly believing that every broken love story will eventually end in the same way as just about every Kate Hudson rom-com. Sadly, there are few situations I haven’t found myself in. Here’s my guide to coping with a break-up while maintaining the slightest shred of self-respect, and minus the supermarket tears.
The toughest day of all. It’s still raw, you have a lot of unanswered questions in your head and you’re craving answers. But whatever the situation, trust me when I say: turn your phone off! As someone who has been both the dumper and the dumpee, giving each other space is vital. The worst thing you can do is continue pestering someone when they so clearly need a bit of space. This also applies if you are trying to win someone back. Let them miss you! Cry, there’s no shame in it. Let it all out. We’re only human and break-ups hurt. Cry as much as you need to, but the second you stop, look in the mirror and laugh at the state of your face. Laughing is an amazing cure for most things in life.
So yesterday was tough — really tough — but you got through it. Things still won’t be easy, but you need to shake yourself off and at least attempt to be positive. Make a playlist. We’ve all been there, when that one song that reminds you of your ex comes on — the one you used to lie in bed together listening to, planning a lifetime of memories. Sadly this too is now a memory. Don’t let this happen or you’ll find yourself back at the beginning of day one. Listen to all the music in the world, but be strict with yourself. Stick to positive, uplifting songs — nothing slow, depressing or romantic and under no circumstances are you to listen to Adele! I personally recommend old school rap. You may find yourself shaking your butt in the mirror, at a time when even getting out of bed seemed impossible.
Time to get the running shoes on. The benefits of even a ten minute run are incredible. Clear your mind, get David Guetta booming on your iPod, and just run! It worked for Forrest Gump (without the Guetta) and it worked for me. I pounded the pavement like a marathon runner almost every day. Do not stay in bed!
Spend time with friends and family. It’s important to remember there are other people in your life, people who love you and actually want to spend time with you. Avoid the subject of relationships. If you’re a guy, moan about football and laugh at your mates’ dodgy new tache. And if you’re a girl, ask your gal pals: “omg, what is she wearing?” Or, if you’re like me, do all of the above.
Remember all those things you wanted to do, but couldn’t because your partner drank your money away last weekend? Well here’s your chance, have some you time. Now, more than ever, is when you’re allowed to be selfish. Treat yourself! It’s been a difficult few days and you probably need a little pick-me-up. Go and buy that leather jacket you wanted or those sickeningly expensive shoes — you deserve it. Or even better, get a makeover. A new haircut for a new you.
Keep busy. Occupy yourself. It won’t always stop you from thinking about your ex, but it’ll certainly help. Take evening classes, learn to cook. Remember how they used to complain? The world is your oyster. You’re a talented person, you just never had the time to show it.
Let your frustrations out. Possibly, one of the most important days of all. It’s time to let it all out again, but crying is a little too morbid at this point. Be a badass. Hit the gym and hit that punch bag harder than you’ve ever hit anything in your life. Show them what you’re made of. It’s a release that can be just as good as sex.
Delete the photos. You knew this day was coming. But you’ve already proven how strong you are, so rip off the band aid. Once it’s done, it’s done. We both know looking at them was only making things worse. Your focus is positivity, so remember!
Let’s be honest, you haven’t been eating all that well this past week. It’s time to give your body a break. Go to your favorite restaurant and order your favorite meal. Do not stop eating until your shirt is literally popping buttons! Trust me. Your newly visible ribcage says you need it.
Plan ahead. You may still have dark days from time to time, but you’re over the worst and by this point you know what works for you. Try and remind yourself of your ex’s bad points, of your good points, and of all the opportunities at your disposal as a result of being single. Be grateful for the good times you shared, but trust that everything happens for a reason and that eventually, you will meet someone else. Focus on your career, book a holiday — just be you again.
Life could be worse.
Post by Paul Thomas Bell